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Even a substandard film, even a weak film, would be bolstered by that premise. This isn’t a sequel to the previous film but the culmination of the entire series, ever since Dr. Both protagonists are established enemies. A vendetta story with genuine emotional heft.
#Bond thumper bambi series#
this is the greatest set-up of the entire series and the film squanders it within five minutes. Could we really buy into a Bond who wasn’t married trying to avenge the death of his wife on a Blofeld who didn’t kill her? Having criticised On Her Majesty’s Secret Service for its uneven handling of Lazenby, it seems a little unfair to slate Diamonds Are Foreverfor an unwavering decision to be its own film.īut still….
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The recasting of Bond and Blofeld stifles any emotional resonance from the previous film. In fairness, perhaps Diamonds Are Forever had no choice. He slumps desolate onto the steering wheel of the car, just like his dead wife, murdered in front of him at the start of their honeymoon only months ago …. Horrified she clasps her mouth, trying to force the words back in, while Bond’s jaw tightens and a look of pained confusion enters his eyes. Her simpering reply? ‘A diamond…? In a ring…?’ After the standard flirt, he asks if she wants anything from Holland. Most revealing, and depressing, is the early exchange with Moneypenny before Bond travels to Amsterdam. Only with every ‘Come back here, I’ll bite your arm off,’ or Moonbuggy chase, all you hear is the desperate refrain: ‘You never saw me cry! You never saw me cry!’ It overcompensates by making everything that bit more cartoonish here – like a normally jovial uncle who got a bit teary on the whiskies the other night and is now feverishly running through his Monty Python impressions in the hope this banishes the memory. The franchise seems almost embarrassed by its showcasing real emotion last time out. Diamonds Are Forever‘s relationship with On Her Majesty’s Secret Service is much clearer: totally ignore it. On Her Majesty’s Secret Service had an uneasy relationship with its predecessors. Indeed Tracy is mentioned a grand total of zero times. One presumes Bond hunts down Blofeld to avenge Tracy but the film never acknowledges this explicitly. Couldn’t they have chucked her the part for services rendered?Īfter the realism of the previous film, we quickly find ourselves in a laboratory that makes Blofelds. Ever the unseen bridesmaid – did nobody think to get the woman in front of the camera, just this once? The woman she voices is literally in the film for thirty seconds. Speaking of Nikki, she’s there in the pre-credits sequence, voicing the woman Bond chokes with her own bikini (less Fifty Shades Of Grey than it sounds.) Poor Nikki. (How the hell did I mention Nikki van der Zyl in my first article and forget Broccoli and Saltzman until my seventh?) So thanks, guys. I fear they cannot feature much in these retrospectives but they must be acknowledged, and here is as good a place as any. Without Broccoli and Saltzman, the franchise wouldn’t exist. Saltzman left after The Man With The Golden Gun Broccoli continued until the 1990s, when his daughter, Barbara, took up the reigns and holds them to this day. Their names were Albert R Broccoli and Harry Saltzman. In fact these are perhaps the two most important men in the history of the franchise. I keep referring the ‘the producers’ as some kind of faceless collective in these retrospectives. Is she a tough dame or a ditzy bimbo? The film prevaricates before, depressingly, plumping for the latter.īut before I start properly, I must rectify a terrible mistake. Does have a certain wayward charm but her characterisation is all over the place. Begins promisingly but swiftly descends into incompetence. Just consider the implications if she were. Following Tracy was always mission impossible and Tiffany Case is no Ethan Hunt. The Girl: Well, the silly name thing is back. He isn’t explicitly killed off Blofeld is last sighted being swung into a control room while trapped in an escape pod. Diamonds Are Forevermarks the arch-villain’s farewell to the franchise, although this is surely about to change (I don’t count For Your Eyes Only). This Blofeld has hair, a penchant for crossdressing and a rather winning air of bonhomie. After Donald and Telly, here’s Charles – utterly estranged from his predecessors in appearance and manner. The Villain: Like buses, Blofelds come in threes. Yet its dysfunctional parts create a film that, while far from a classic, has a certain battered panache – and a wry smile throughout. Implausibilities abound through Diamonds Are Forever. A moribund Connery and garish Las Vegas add to the sense of a series going to seed. The cartoonish tone is sharpened by lashings of violence and a surprisingly high body count. Undoubtedly a lightweight outing, despite featuring a heavyweight star in more ways than one. A strange offering this one, sandwiched between two considerably more significant films.